(Originally written 03.31.12)
Last night I made the mistake of looking in the mirror with hopes, yet again, that all would be back to normal. Obviously, it wasn't. I got very emotional. Which is to be expected, and I know that this entire experience can be paralleled with a roller coaster ride. A really fast, bumpy, terrifying one! My mother spent a little time visiting with me last night and I find myself battling between being the strong, independent woman I have been for so long and the blubbering, oh-woe-is me baby I feel compelled to act as right now. I guess in dealing with all this I'm entitled even in the slightest to the latter.
All I did today was rest, rest and more rest. Well, in between all that rest I did a lot of reading as well. Suffering this condition as a pregnant woman leaves you wanting to do more to ensure your wellness. This is where the whole "super foods" kick came in. The main topic I was ravenous for today was in regard to prognosis for pregnant women. It seems that a lot of the information readily online surrounds those that are not pregnant. The scariest part is what I found. Apparently, the prognosis for pregnant women is considerably worse. Of course I perused many sites and the few I found with the information seem to be fairly consistent. Although, I cannot site exactly where all the statistics came from I think we all know I don't claim them as my own. It seems that pregnant women only have about a 52% chance of a suitable recovery compared to 77-85% chance of suitable recovery in those that aren't pregnant. In conjunction, the recovery is anticipated to be lengthier in pregnant women. Ack! Can we say, "What the heck!". Absolutely, positively, terrifying to say the least.
After learning this sad statistic I decided I'd start an unwavering journey to find positive recovery stories involving pregnant women. That was rather fruitless, so I adjusted my strategy to find positive recovery stories period. I could find only morsels of information gleaning that people had recovered. By morsels I really mean little needles in a hay stack here and there from people who were not really "completely" recovered. Even still I could not find any real photo documentation of peoples progress, specific lists of their signs and symptoms or changes to expect/not expect. Yes, I want these things readily available to me despite the knowledge of the condition being so individualized. I could easily be considered a glutton for punishment or an eager beaver in terms of learning about the condition and priming for battle.
My conjecture in regard to the lack of information about Bell's Palsy recoveries/positive stories revolves around the idea of selective amnesia. People don't want to revisit such a scary time in their lives. They recover and simply want to forget about the fact that it happened altogether. Pick up the pieces and move on. It's no longer a priority to them…and understandably so. What you can find is a plethora of cases involving those that never regained sensation, movement and/or control. Why? Well, who's online "googling" Bell's Palsy other than those afflicted with it? It's usually either those newly diagnosed or the unlucky bunch that did not have satisfactory recovery. Those of us looking for a glimmer of hope, answers and alternate methods to support recovery. Those of us looking for a case that is remotely close to ours to enable a comparison of "journeys". Which leads me to my next complaint: it is virtually impossible to find a chronicle of photos documenting someone's condition. You can, however, find pictures here and there. Usually only one at initial onset. I attribute this to the fact that, well, a lot of us suffering from Bell's Palsy want to hide. It really makes you ponder how vain you really were when you begged someone to delete a photo of you because you a) appeared fat, b) had a pimple c) had a bad hair day. Oh, how this condition humbles you!
My goal is to document this scary journey every step of the way. I find my fingers shaking as I type this. There is side of me that thinks - "Oh, Belle, you may be jinxing yourself to suffer this affliction forever by making such a promise." I can't think that way though because I hope and pray for a complete and speedy recovery. If I am so blessed to have one then I want to share that with others that need to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And, as much as I hate to say this - if I am so unlucky as to not recover - well, I guess I'll consider this a therapeutic exercise.
Let's be serious - there is not a ounce of this condition that makes you feel glamorous. You don't want to put on make-up because you simply want to rest, research, recover. The idea of flecks of eyeshadow falling in your eye seems like a corneal hazard and eyeliner makes you feel as if you are drawing even more attention to your asymmetry.
With all of that said, I'll provide a run down of what my symptoms have been to date and then I'll delineate what I've noticed in terms of change today.
1. Auricular pain. Well pain mainly below and behind the ear that seems to radiate along the insertion of the sternocleidomastoid muscle.
2. Dull, relentless headache.
3. Excessive thirst.
4. Dry eye.
5. Chapped lips.
6. Inability to raise or lower right eyebrow.
7. Inability to close right eyelid completely. Remains open by about 2-2.5mm while blinking and if I squint really hard it remains open by about 1mm.
8. Inability to smile, frown, pucker, whistle, swish air to either cheek.
9. Depression - let's be serious, it's a part of it.
10. Inability to flair my right nostril.
11. Tingling in the lip. This occurred the day before the paralysis set in and slightly the day after it set in.
12. I could see my cheek attempt to move immediately after paralysis set in. Now I have no movement whatsoever.
13. Droopy lower eyelid.
14. Let's remember...I am in my third trimester of pregnancy. Which made me 3.3 times more likely to suffer Bell's than the average woman.
15. Nasal congestion, especially at night.
16. "Sandpaper" eyelid. This occurred when I didn't properly care for my eye initially because I failed to realize I wasn't closing my eye all the way.
17. Difficulty speaking. Particularly, the word "five". B's, P's and F's.
18. Difficulty eating. Small bites are a must and always keep napkins close!
19. Reduced salivation.
20. Reduced taste on right side of mouth. Didn't think so at first...but, yep.
21. Facial Swelling - I only list this because my mother swears the "swelling" has gone down. I never noticed a change.
22. No facial wrinkling.
23. Sensitivity to light. Likely due to the inability to close my eye.
24. Pulsatile tinnitus. That heartbeat, swishing sound in your ear.
25. Major distortions of the face upon trying to eat, speak and/or make facial expressions.
26. Chronic fatigue.
Today's changes:
27. Popping in the ears, similar to that experiences when changing elevation.
28. The entire right side of my face is tender to the touch. It feels bruised for lack of a better way of putting it.
29. Emotional ups and downs!
I believe I've already mentioned this in a previous post, but I'll say it again. I do not recall any illness prior to the onset of Bell's Palsy. The only thing I noticed was that generalized feeling of "blahness" and the ear pain. I had no fever, no flu-like symptoms, no cold. The only thing I can attribute to this is extreme ankle swelling that I was battling on Friday and Saturday. I have a therapeutic bed and had my legs highly elevated to reduce the edema. This makes me wonder if the fluid just traveled upward to the facial area aggravating the 7th cranial nerve. I guess we will never know. But, I hope that what ever the etiology the damage wasn't/isn't bad.
-Belle Story
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