Bell's - Day 2

(Originally written 03/28/2012)

I am now 30 weeks pregnant with my first child.  I have been experiencing significant edema of the lower legs for approximately the past two weeks.  This past weekend we attended a barbecue with friends.  The previous day I had significant swelling; however, it was reduced after elevation for 12 hours.  I noticed as the day progressed on Saturday the swelling was returning.  By the latter part of the evening my toes looked like little sausages and I felt generally unwell.  We left the event early.  The following day I remained in bed with my legs elevated.  Again, I felt generally unwell.  I had a minor headache that I just couldn't shake and a slight feeling of nausea.  I also noticed some tingling intermittently in my upper lip and increased thirst.  As the day progressed I noticed a pain developing in and behind my right ear.    My appetite was reduced.  The ear pain worsened as time went on.  

The following morning I called my boss to inform him that I was going to schedule an appointment to see my primary care physician for ear drops as I suspected I had an ear infection.  I made the phone call at 9a and was scheduled for 2p.  Around 11am I woke from a nap to a feeling of terrible thirst.  After refilling my cup I attempted to take several drinks from my straw.  I could immediately tell my face was "not right".  I could feel it pulling to the left.  I thought to myself, "My face feels like it's not working".  I immediately went to my bathroom to look in the mirror to find that I was right.  I immediately text messaged my doctor to say,  "I have an appointment to see you for a possible ear infection at 2p; however, I just found out that half of my faced is paralyzed.  Should I call my OB or go to the ER?".  He told me to come on in to the office.  

It only took a few seconds of seeing me that he said, "You've got Bell's Palsy".  He went on to tell me that normally he would treat it with Prednisone and an anti-viral mediation, but due to my pregnancy there was really nothing we could do other than work on pain control.  He prescribed me Vicodin and assured me it wouldn't harm the baby.  He indicated that lack of sleep and eating would cause more harm to the baby than taking the medication.  I asked if I should be concerned of a stroke and he told me that was of no concern at all.  My reaction to all of this was laughter.  Not because I thought it was funny, but because it was my bodies emotional response.  I even told my doctor I must be one of the most interesting patients he has.  He laughed and said, "You're definitely up there."

Immediately after Bell's palsy diagnosis.
Note the paralysis hasn't completely set in.

The day after Bell's palsy diagnosis.
Note the paralysis has completely set in.

As the day went on it seemed as if the paralysis slightly worsened.  I only told those closest to me and my boss of course.  I didn't go in to work for the day.  Instead, I went home for some rest and applied hot packs to my right ear as it was causing quite a bit of discomfort.  I found myself going to the bathroom mirror over and over in hopes that it was just a brief issue.  I kept hoping that my reflection would smile back at me.  My face just wouldn't do what I would tell it to.  I didn't cry this day.  I think I was in shock more than anything.  I didn't sleep well as I didn't take the pain medication.  

I woke the next morning to prepare for work.  It was interesting applying make-up to a face that doesn't move.  I decided going sans my usual eye-liner would be best.  Not only because I was fearful of having to wash it off, but because I felt it might draw even more attention to my distortion.  Ha, it was immediately noticeable any how.  Especially, considering I'm a person that tends to smile quite frequently.  I didn't realize going in how exhausting it was going to be to have to explain my condition to everyone.  Not only that, but the pain that it would elicit behind my ear.  I think this had to do with all the talking and jaw movement.  I finally went in to discuss the issue with my boss.  He said, "Surely there is something they can give you to make it better sooner."  I explained that wasn't the case and I would just have to wait it out.  He actually laughed at me when he first saw me.  I don't blame him considering I laughed so much the previous day when telling him what was going on.  I'm sure his reaction was a lot like mine in terms of, "really…this is happening?!?"  As insensitive as that sounds he has been considerably understanding and assured me that I feel worse about this than anyone and that he wishes me a speedy recovery.  He has allowed me to take the next few days off of work; and let me tell you that time off is oh so needed.  

So, here I sit approximately 2 days after the initial onset of paralysis.  I get tired on a whim and take naps as my body sees fit. My right eye is bothering me more than I'd like to admit.  I'm praying I don't have a corneal abrasion or scratch.  I only thought I was closing my eye all the way the past day or so.  I wasn't…and unfortunately, my eye was not getting the lubrication it needed.  Hence the reason I feel like my eyelid is made of sandpaper.  Apparently, there are people that cannot close their eyelid or mouths at all.  I feel blessed to say the paralysis is not to that extent; however, I am still having trouble accepting my condition.  It's downright scary…no matter how you slice it.  I am absolutely terrified that I won't regain voluntary movement or that I'll forever be disfigured.  I keep trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be so vain and I should feel blessed that all is well with my baby.  I am and I do feel blessed…but, again…we're dealing with human emotion and fear.

I attempt to lift my eyebrows and only the left raises.  The right side of my forehead is completely void of wrinkles.  I try to smile and nothing moves on the right.  I cannot decide if I resemble Popeye, Sloth from the Goonies or Two Face from Batman more.  I know I shouldn't make such correlations, but it's too late.  I have to remind myself that all of which are famous and imaginary.  Nothing similar to me.  The pain is still evident; however, I have noticed some tingling in the right side of my bottom lip.  I hope that is a good sign.  I've been googling entirely more than I should.  I don't know if it's been more damaging than encouraging.  Eating is difficult, but I feel like I haven't lost any real sensation of taste.  Sounds aren't any louder than they were before, so I am hoping that is a good sign as well.  For now, I'm putting lubricating gel in my eyes regularly and trying to keep it covered with a patch or closed with tape.  I've researched "super foods" that help reduce inflammation and am trying to wrap my diet around those items.  Aside from that rest, rest and more rest seems to be on top of the agenda.

I pray that I have a complete and speedy recovery.  I can honestly say that I will no longer take for granted the ability to do simple things such as smile, eat and blink.  I'm only 2 days into this condition and I can tell you it has already humbled me greatly.  I also pray that I (or any of my loved ones) never, ever have to endure this again.  I'm trying so hard to remain positive, and I am ever blessed to have a boyfriend who will not leave without telling me how beautiful I am and a mother that continues to try to lift my spirit.  I don't want to be an emotional drain on them.  I do appreciate their efforts though.  I am without a doubt ready for this ordeal to be over and to have my life back.  I know life will never be what it was, but I want to be fully functional, free of deformity and a lot more understanding of others differences.  

I'm going to try to keep a daily journal so I can track my progress.  I know even the smallest things could have big meaning and I don't want to miss a thing.  Not just for me, but for others.  I'd like to post this and share my story.  I hope my story is a positive one that is one I can share with those that are newly diagnosed.  There aren't enough positive stories out there.  We fail to share the good, because we are so focused on moving on with our lives and forgetting the terrifying event.  There are people out there (like me right now) who could use positive and encouraging stories.  

-Belle Story